Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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