There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
