He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
