Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize