I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
