I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize