That's intense
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
