I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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