i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
