It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize