He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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