i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
