Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
