I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
