Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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