Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize