i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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