Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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