There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
