it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
