suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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