I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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