i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My bed smells like the plague
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
