saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
