Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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