Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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