My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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