I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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