just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
