I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
