So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That accounts for only three of the penises
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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