How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
