he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
