i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
