it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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