my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
