I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
