i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
