watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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