honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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