At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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