you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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