bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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