I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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