Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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