I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
