I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
