just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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