i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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