question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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