I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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