you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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