Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
