To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
