I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
