I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
