Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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