Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
