and you said cock pushups were impossible
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
