Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
