That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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