dude i'm inner monologue high
people are starting to question the shark bite story
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
