omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
