Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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