somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
