i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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