We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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