the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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