Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
