i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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